Should Christians attend a same-sex wedding ceremony?
Postmodern culture says that love and approval are the same thing. (They are not). So, the culture says that we cannot criticize someone’s lifestyle choices and love them at the same time.
Therefore, the culture says, to decline attending a same sex marriage ceremony would be unloving. Homophobic. Hateful.
That is not only a cultural conclusion. Progressive Christianity buys into that answer, too.
But to the Christian parent who wants to please God, uphold a biblical view of marriage, and to love their adult child, it’s not that simple. Nor is it to a Christian grandparent.
Just ask Alistair Begg.
Alistair Begg’s bad advice
Begg is the Senior Pastor of Parkside Church in Cleveland, OH, and is one of the best-known biblical expositors of this generation. He’s a popular communicator and a mentor to young pastors.
In a September podcast that resurfaced in January, he was discussing his new book when he included the illustration of a grandmother who had contacted him. She said her gay grandson was about to marry “a transgender person.” Her question to Begg was whether or not she should attend the wedding.
Begg replied, yes, she should attend the wedding, she should sit right where the grandmothers typically sit, and she should bring the couple a gift. This, he said, was a compassionate response. And the couple would be surprised by this unexpected expression of love from someone they know is a Christian and who disapproves of their lifestyle.
What’s the problem?
Begg has always affirmed the biblical position on marriage. Marriage is a sacred covenant between a man and a woman as defined by Scripture (Gen. 1:27, Matt. 19:1-6). No other interpretation syncs with biblical teaching.
But in this case Begg oddly disconnected the wedding ceremony from the marriage itself, thereby divesting the ceremony of its inherent meaning. For Christians, a wedding ceremony is filled with biblical significance. Every person present is a witness to the union, and, therefore, affirms the union. And if you are a Christian, that means you are affirming that union as being blessed by God.
A wedding ceremony is not like having your family members over for dinner. It’s not like attending a birthday party or a graduation.
Attending a wedding ceremony is no more neutral than attending a worship service. If you participate in a worship service, you are acknowledging and worshiping the God of the service. If you attend a wedding, you are affirming and acknowledging the marriage that follows.
That’s not homophobic. And it’s not hateful. It’s just biblical.
Back to Alistair Begg
Christians swiftly critiqued and condemned Begg’s advice. In response, he preached a 46-minute sermon to his church in order to explain his position. It didn’t help.
American Family Radio dropped his program. And every Christian YouTube channel, blog, podcast, and publication bubbled with commentary and opinions. Some of it insightful and biblical. Lots of it, not so much.
Here are two responses I recommend, one by Christian apologist Jason Jimenez and one by theologian Al Mohler. Both are biblical and balanced, providing a clear explanation of why, in fact, Begg’s advice is unsound.
But here, my interest lies elsewhere.
Canceled from a Pastors conference
In the aftermath of his broadcast, Begg withdrew from the list of speakers for John MacArthur’s Shepherds Conference. According to churchleaders.com, it was a mutual decision between Begg and MacArthur.
But here’s the thing. The mission of the Shepherds Conference, held for three days in March, is to “provide the opportunity for men in church leadership to be challenged in their commitment to biblical ministry and to find encouragement together as servants of the Chief Shepherd.”
Talk about a missed opportunity. Why not have an honest conversation with one of the great Christian leaders of our time? Ok, so Begg doesn’t preach at the conference. But why not seize that moment to sit down with him, to talk, to try to work toward a biblical conclusion?
Young church leaders and pastors need to hear from Alistair Begg. They need to understand how someone whose biblical exposition is solid might reach a different, if faulty, application.
Remember, these are pastors and church leaders, and they will, inevitably, face this same issue. How do you balance pastoral ministry with biblical integrity when that conversation happens at your church?
The struggle before us
Alistair Begg’s response to the grandmother is not a case of creeping into progressivism as it is with Andy Stanley or Amy Grant. It’s proof of the struggle before us.
Pastors, we are in new territory. We are talking about a wedding, not a family picnic. This is one of the single most significant events any family ever enjoys together. To dismiss Begg’s response out-of-hand is naïve and simplistic. How do we preach the truth, defend biblical marriage, and also love people—all of the people– caught in the grinder of postmodern relativism?
We serve on the front lines. This is not about expanding your YouTube audience. It’s about people’s lives and about families ripped apart by the erosion of truth in our culture.
What about you?
If I knew him personally, I would call Alistair Begg. Not to condemn or criticize, but just to talk. Pastor to Pastor.
And, if you are a Pastor, never mind Alistair Begg. What about you? Sure, you’ve preached the truth about marriage and stood firm on your position in the pulpit.
But what will you say when that grandparent or mom or dad sits in your office and weeps because they know, as do you, that they are trapped in a travesty, an unbelievably painful situation foisted on them through no fault of their own?
If you respond with academic exposition uncoupled from heartfelt compassion, you’ve got a problem. And if you advise them against attending their child’s same-sex wedding, are you prepared to walk with them through the fallout? To be there for them when that child follows the dictates of culture and angrily, and perhaps permanently, severs their relationship?
Are you praying now for those families? Loving people in unbiblical relationships while still upholding the truth? Guiding your people through the maze of ideologies that are corroding our culture?
Get ready
When it comes down to it, it’s not about Alistair Begg. And it is certainly not about social media hype. It’s about people. Families. Church members. Heartbroken, searching, pulled apart by cultural redefinitions of family and faith.
So, criticize Alistair Begg if you like. But if that grandmother had called you, what would you have said? That’s what really matters.
We didn’t do this. But this is where we live now. And it’s not going away.
Jesus was both candid when He addressed God’s view of marriage and compassionate when He dealt with broken sinners (Matt. 19:1-9, John 8:2-11). Let’s be sure we do the same.
But in your hearts regard Christ the Lord as holy, ready at any time to give a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you.
1 Peter 3:15