Lots of couples get married this time of year. But will those marriages be around in another 10, 20, or even 50 years?
No matter what opinion people have about marriage, when a couple demonstrates longevity and endurance, it makes the news and nearly everyone admires them for it. Especially in a culture that disdains longevity and commitment. But hardly anyone expects a marriage to last 82 years.
That’s right. On March 31, D.W. Williams, 103, and Willie Williams, 100, celebrated their 82nd wedding anniversary. And their family threw them a party at their church. WSOC-TV asked Willie Williams the secret of a long marriage. No big secret, he said. Trust, communication, and “just be nice to each other.”
It helps, their granddaughter added, that “they are each other’s best friend.”
At about the same time, NCIS star Mark Harmon and his wife, actress Pam Dawber, enjoyed their 32nd wedding anniversary, far less than the Williams, but far more than most Hollywood marriages last. What is their secret? Commitment to family.
They like being together and enjoy staying home. And they distinguish between the Hollywood lifestyle and real life. “It’s who we are. We stay at home. A lot,” Harmon says. “I’m not a Twitter guy or a Facebook guy. Our sons aren’t into that, either.”
“I don’t think two people can work all the time in show business and stay married,” Dawber told Closer Weekly magazine. And Harmon added, “No job is worth missing life’s most important moments.”
Translation: We protect our relationship by our choices.
So, if we compare these snippets, we see that both couples acknowledge longevity lies in their choices (Harmon/Dawber) and in their organic attraction to one other (Williams).
The Bible backs that up.
Whether famous or not, life is life and marriages last, or disintegrate, because couples make choices and because couples share a mysterious attraction. And no two people will stay together for a lifetime without choosing to stay together. That’s no big secret.
But what might be surprising is that, regardless of our culture’s contempt for marriage, deep down each of us believes marriages should last and we desire them to endure. A long-lasting marriage resonates with everyone, and especially if the two people actually enjoy being married. Why do we admire longevity in matrimony? Because it is woven into us and into creation. Marriage was not invented by people to meet our whims, but it was designed by the Creator to be enjoyed by a man and a woman for the duration of life after they say “I do.”
In a biblical worldview, longevity is an assumption of marriage. When Jesus was asked questions about divorce, He referred to God’s original design for marriage, quoting the creation account. That is, thousands of years after He created marriage, the Creator still regarded that moment as the answer to every question about that mysterious and magnificent institution. There is no expiration date on God’s original design (Matt. 19:1-9).
So it is not surprising at all that the Bible provides guidance to build longevity in marriage, and that the Genesis account remains the foundation for this union. Biblical principles for relationships in general can be, and should be, applied to marriages in particular. But the Bible also singles out the marriage relationship for direct instruction.
So here are a few biblical principles, grounded in creation, which will help us enjoy a long, healthy marriage:
- Friendship (Gen. 2:18). When the Bible portrays, describes, or defines marriage, it always pictures more than friendship, but never less. That is, a marriage relationship should have the same relational qualities as a strong friendship, but also the more unconditional agape love pictured in the Bible. Married couples sacrifice together, laugh together, relax together, and suffer together. Not only do they love each other, but for the marriage to have longevity, they also like, prefer, and honor each other (Rom. 12:10).
- Focus (Gen. 2:23). It’s not just the eyes that wander. The heart does too. Focus and attention on the person in front of us, and the family we share, keeps us growing together. Solomon, though himself not always a role model for keeping his passions in check, was still wise enough to tell his son, “Drink water from your own cistern, water flowing from your own well” (Prov 5:15, 1 Cor. 7:2).In addition, both partners should focus on the home and family they are building together. Day by day routines strengthen the roots of the relationship, and dreams for the future give the relationship momentum and vigor (Titus 2:5, Prov. 14:1).
- Fidelity (Gen. 2:24). Being faithful to your spouse is a choice, not an accident. And for the Christian, it follows fidelity to Christ. To be faithful is to be trustworthy and reliable, to stick to promises, and to “leave” one’s former relationships by choosing the marriage for life. This is how a believer mimics God’s character as well (Hosea 2:19-20).
As always, when we attend to God’s design, we find out again that He had it right all along. So if even unbelievers can practice the biblical dictates of God’s purpose and enjoy an enduring partnership in marriage, how much more should we?